This is my third attempt to write this. The first one was far too raw, the second one wasn’t right. This time it feels right.
I’ve been feeling less like myself recently, stressed out, frustrated, feeling like I was out of control. I’ve spent tonight taking stock and trying to get my thoughts and emotions under control. I don’t know if this is depression, anxiety, or just a whole bunch of bad days in a row, but I’ve been worn down and I don’t like it.
It’s partially stress from work. It feels like I’m working twice as hard as everyone else and getting no extra benefit because of it. It’s also partially the current social and political climate. In just a few short days it has felt like our whole world is being systematically dismantled. I’m terrified of what is going to happen in the future.
However, I have to learn that there are pieces I can control and pieces that I cannot. I can’t control the workflow at my job, but I can control what I do for my own well being, taking time to relax, center myself, and refocus. Make sure to not let myself get overwhelmed and overly emotional. No attachments is the Jedi way.
I also can’t control what our new administration does, but I can keep fighting back however I can. But again, I have to not push myself too hard or too far. I can’t get pulled down into the muck and drown in the nastiness, especially online. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the outrage that you can lose yourself.
So this is where I’m at now. I’m trying to do better. I’m trying to find a new path through life, I feel like I’ve hit the end of this current path and there are so many new places to explore. So, I’m looking and trying to remain open for what is put in front of me.