This is another story I wrote years ago. This is just the intro, but I think it’s a fun start. I really like the idea and I think I’m going to try and figure out where I was going with the story. As always, remember these are in their very beginning, rough draft stages.
Hello there. How are you feeling? Good, I hope. Not too disorientated by the trip? Good, because it’s a doozy from here. This rabbit hole is deep and wide too. I’ll try and prepare you as best as I can, but there is shit out there that even I don’t know about. Here’s hoping we don’t find those, it could cause problems.
My first piece of advise is forget everything. Everything that you think you knew about the world or what is in it, because it’s all wrong. Everything you ever laughed or scoffed at being too ridiculous is real and boy can some of those things be mean….
I’m alive. That much I know to be true. I’ll worry about the rest of the story later. The rest will come in time, it always does. Sometimes all at once, and sometimes a piece at a time.
There is always an easy way to tell if I have survived my previous endeavors. There is no way that death could hurt this much. It really is that simple, if you’re dead, you don’t have to feel this much pain. At least I hope, because that is my goal.
I had a name, but that was another place and time. After last night I can no longer be sure of anything. Was it even one night or has this time gone on even longer? The only things I can be sure or are the pain in my head, and that awful smell.
No sense in rushing this, it’s not like I have anywhere to be. This is most definately a new record. Maybe I have finally gone and done it, maybe I have finally pushed myself out past the safety and the current is just going to pull me away, into the abyss. Wish it would hurry up, my head is pounding.
My name, in what now feels like a different lifetime, had been David. Now that we are both getting cozy with each other, I should warn you. I’m not a nice man, and yes, I am trying to kill myself. I have done things. Things that could keep you up at night, things that keep me up at night.
Even before this self destructive turn, my life had hardly been easy or attractive to even the lowliest of creatures. I had been a man of many titles. Started out as an honest, straight arrow cop. But, that was before the darkness came up and swallowed me whole. No chewing, no mashing. One day I’m there, the next day I’m in so deep, I wonder if I’ll ever see the light again.
I’ve had jobs that run the gamut from garbage man to prize winning investigative journalist. It has been a heck of a ride to lead you here to me, face down in the mud and struggling to remember where I am.
If you’ve never woken up face down in the mud, you don’t know the right way to do it. Most people get up too quickly, and make that biggest mistake of all: they open their eyes. You don’t want to move, especially if you don’t have to. Never, under any circumstances open your eyes until you are ready to face what you will see.
That’s the predicament I find myself in right now. I don’t know what is hurting more, my head or that awful stench burning my nose. It is simply not a smell that a human nose should ever have to endure. Worst of all, I think I’m the cause of it.
While we are having this nice chat, I’m running my checklist. I have a way of doing these things and an order to do them in. Don’t be too obvious about it, you never know who is watching you. Move slowly, get yourself together.
“Hey Jackass, I know you can hear me. Nap time is over”
He’s yelling, he thinks that will hurt. He’s right, but I’m no rookie, I know how to handle a hangover headache and no dipshit yelling in my ear is going to force me to tip my hand.
Deep breath, tense the muscles, get them limbered up. Ready for anything.
“Fuckwad! I said nap time is over.. wakey, wakey, hands off snakey!”
A cold explosion goes off on my head and then goes down my entire body. Wear the hell did this guy get a bucket of ice cold water? Alright, enough of this. He knows I’m awake, and it’s time for me to face what’s in front of me.
“Jesus fucking christ! Did you have to dump the whole bucket on me? You knew I was awake” I mumble angrily a few more choice words under my breath, but I got my point across.
“What a perfectly fitting choice of words. Actually the water was the hardest thing to come by, but you are surprisingly close to what is actually going on. Although you always did aim too high.”
“What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?” I’ve actually begun to slowly open my eyes now. I think you can see the redness from space today. Opening my eyes was no help, all I can see is a big bright blur.
“Once again, you are surprisingly on target. Now, I can’t explain everything right away. That would take away all my fun. I’m going to let you dangle for a few more minutes.”
His breath, which is what I now believe to be the source of the smell, is making my eyes water worse than the sun. I find my sunglasses, and the whole world starts to take shape. We are definitely not in Kansas.
“Absolutely right, we are not in Kansas. South Dakota actually to be more precise, but it’s very much on the road to hell. Your own personal road no less”
With the shades on, the world is a much more tolerable place, and I take my first look at my good friend here, and I’m nearly out for the count again. It’s not the skin, I’ve seen some weird ethnic mixtures, so deep red skin tone is not that unusual. It’s the horns, they are just the right size and shape to not look Hollywood and fake, they actually looked closer to large fingernails than anything.
“Sorry for the dramatics, but I don’t like to play around too much. I really do need to get to the point and rather quickly. I do have other appointments today. Yes, I am the Devil, Lucifer, whatever you want to call me, it’s right and I’ll always know when you are talking to me.”
“So, you’re the Devil, and we are in South Dakota. Obviously I’m not dead, because I would like to think that Hell would be more interesting than South Dakota and my head hurts way too much to be dead.”
“Yes, you are right on all counts. We are on your personal road to Hell. Notice the sign up there ‘St. Clair Ave’ David St. Clair? And, about 2 miles down this road is Hell, or so the National Enquirer would have us believe.”
His comments are really getting on my nerves. There needs to be a point and soon.
“Your Devil-ness? Is there a point anywhere in our near future, because if there isn’t I’d like to find a nice dive place to get some greasy bacon and eggs and wash it all down with a nice morning cocktail, so unless you really want to get to the fucking meat of the story and tell me what the fuck it is you want, I’m just going to get going now. I’ve had enough of the cryptic bullshit for one morning and my mouth is watering for a bloody mary and some eggs.”
It didn’t work, he didn’t get to the point, just stood there for a few seconds with that ultimate shit eating grin, and then he just turned and started to walk away.
He turns around real quick and tells me “Such an attitude, I normally like people who don’t just cower in fear, but I think it would be more fun to see how much of this you can figure out on your own. So, I’m going to leave you with a nice parting gift and the promise that we will be in touch soon. Have fun and enjoy your eggs, I know you will.”
With that, he has walked off and left me in the middle of nowhere, apparently somewhere in South Dakota. My watch says it’s the 15th. That is the one thing I always make sure is working. If you’re prone to blackouts, you want to know how much time you lost. Apparently I’ve lost 3 days and about 2000 miles. I had been working my way across the Florida panhandle. Must’ve been one helluva party.
First order of business now, ignore the cryptic “Devil” and find breakfast.